I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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