he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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