It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
