she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
