The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
