i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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