we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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