You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
