i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
