I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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