she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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