Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
