If i come over, it means nothing
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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