Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
