of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need to calm my uterus...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
