how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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