you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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