what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
