New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
