i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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