All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My feet surprised me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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