I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
