time to smoke my breakfast
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
