The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my being single is dangerous.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
