Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
