If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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