you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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