Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
