i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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