Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize