When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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