Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
