She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
