i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
