when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
