I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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