need another drink. this is the easiest way
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
