You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you never un-have a 4some
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
