There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
