Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
