Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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