I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
