We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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