I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
