i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
