I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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