I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
