How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
