Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
