and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
