I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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