I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
