Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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