She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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