Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
