I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
