It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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