I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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