In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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