So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
