i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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