You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
