how can u be prego again
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
