It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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