If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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