wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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