dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She bit a glass in half.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
