He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
