I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
