yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
