i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
