I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
