Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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