All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
