I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize