Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
