Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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