Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
