Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
