We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
